How NOT to Deal With Your Kid’s Behavior Problems [Parenting Styles, Parental Problems]
Sam had two friends at her school this year. Well, she had more than two friends, but I want to talk about two of them.
I don’t want to embarrass anyone or cause any friction, so let’s call her friends Bobert and Billiam.
Bobert and Billiam liked each other okay, though they weren’t close friends.
Then one day, on a dare, Bobert turned out the lights in the locker room while Billiam was still inside, and then blocked the door closed with a weight bag so Billiam couldn’t get out.
Naturally, when Billiam did get out, he went straight to the principal’s office.
Bobert got suspended for a week.
The general consensus among the students was that it should have been three days. I don’t have an opinion on that.
The fact is, Bobert screwed up big-time and he got punished according to the school rules.
Then, and this is the point of my post here, his parents pulled him out of that school because of “problems with the assistant principal.”
Yeah. Those problems would have involved their son bullying another kid and getting suspended for it.
And the lesson they taught him is that they will bail him out and defend him when he’s out of line, and that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his actions.
I hope someone else teaches him the truth before it’s too late.
He’s Looking at Me! [Fun Parenting Stories]
This morning Sam walked out of the bathroom and, in her words, “Jack was standing against the wall staring at me! It was creepy!”
Jack’s side of the story is that he was waiting to brush his teeth and he happened to be looking in the direction of the door when it opened.
Sam is 14 and Jack is 16. And STILL they’re arguing over “he’s looking at me!”
I sided with Jack on this one, for one reason. While he might actually stare at her to creep her out, he’d also admit it. This time he was just hanging out.
How to Parent vs How to Be a Parent
I've been thinking about these issues of how to be a parent, how to parent, and how to be a good parent. And I think a lot of people have it wrong.
So many people are asking themselves, "How can I be a parent?" Well, that's easy. You bring a child into the world, and bam! You're a parent. But that's not really "being" a p arent. I know lots of people who have children who aren't "real" parents.
The real question is, how to parent, and more importantly, how to be a parent.
My daughter has a lot of friends who don't have a good relationship with their parents. One of her friends has a dad who hates her. I can identify with that.
And I want to ask, why are these people allowed to be parents?
Of course, I know. There's no license you have to have to be a parent.
So back to the question, how do you parent?
My first rule of parenting is that you treat your child like a person.
That sounds so simplistic, but if you look around when other people are interacting with their kids, you'll see them being treated like pets or livestock or beings of lesser intelligence. You'll see people yelling at thier kids in public, insulting them, doing everything for them, ignoring them.
But they're not treating their kids like special people in their lives. Most of them aren't treating them like people at all. They're treating them like obligations.
We've treated our kids like people since the day they were born.
For us, that means:
1. Loving them
2. Respecting them
3. Expecting their best
4. Liking them
It's not that hard, but it seems like so many people never got the message. They're wondering how to be a parent, how to parent well, and all the time the main key is just remembering that they're people, too.
What's your best advice on being an effective parent?
Can Parents Be Friends with Their Kids?
I’m going to start this blog out with a controversial (probably) opinion.
I think it’s completely possible, and even a good thing, to be friends with your kids. And I believe you can be a friend and a good parent.
When parents say, “I”m not your friend, I’m your parent,” I think they misunderstand the nature of a true friend.
Andy Andrews talks about this. He says that most people think a friend is someone who accepts you as you are. He counters that the kid at the drive-through accepts you as you are, because he doesn’t know you or care anything about you.
Here’s what a real friend does. A real friend accepts you where you are and expects more from you. A real friend is honest with you. A real friend lets you know when she thinks that you’re on the wrong track. A real friend contributes to your well-being.
I’m friends with both my kids, but I’m also their mom. I don’t let them get away with stuff I know they shouldn’t get away with. I push them hard. And I enjoy spending time with them as much as my other friends.
I think when most people say “I’m not my kids’ friend,” they mean they’re not pals. A pal doesn’t push you or care about you; they just want to be liked and have a good time.
A friendship is a special relationship and I’m lucky to have my kids as real friends.